A balanced diet

I like healthy, down to earth, home-made food. It can be fancy once in a while, but generally I prefer great taste over pretentiousness. It’s the same with men.

But sometimes I have a craving for fast food. I know it’s bad for me, but I still want it. I want it really, really badly. It’s quick and tasty for the first few bites, but it generally leaves me feeling slightly sick. Initially it makes me happy, but doesn’t leave me completely satisfied. It’s something on the go, but nothing to take home. Same with men.

In theory it’s not difficult to have a balanced diet and to simply listen to one’s own body. But when talking about a male diet, things become much more complicated. First of all it seems to be a challenge for me to get my head around the fact than I can have casual play & sex without destroying my relationship. That my partner even encourages me to meet someone else. That he isn’t jealous, but wants to be involved, gives me advice and kicks my bum if I’m getting cold feet.

I’m wondering how Twentytwo can do it. I would be jealous. I know that I can separate sex from sex with feelings, but I’m also not particularly keen on fucking someone I don’t have any feelings for at all. Been there, done that.

A relationship including two people can be one hell of a challenge, not to talk about more than two people being involved. On the one hand the thought scares me and shows me once more what conventions are engraved in my mind. On the other hand I consider myself incredibly lucky to be able to try something new and different. I’m free to do as I please, involving only consenting adults that know what they are signing up for. In theory I also know what I'm signing up for, but in practice you never know what’s going to happen.

I very much believe that I only fall in love with someone else if I’ve already fallen out of love with my current partner (I might want to add that I don’t see myself as a polyamorous ). I’m in love with Twentytwo and therefore can’t see myself falling in love with a play partner. You never know, yes, but the chances are similar to falling in love with a housemate/friend/the local butcher/my professor. Nevertheless I’m feeling a bit guilty. It’s not something I do. Being single is one thing. Playing with someone with Twentytwo being present another, but actually meeting someone without him being here, just feels awkward. I’m sure it only takes a positive experience to get rid of my worries, but for know it’s something I’ve got mixed feelings about.

It also means confronting myself with a few issues. I prefer to be somewhat passive during sex, to let go and relax. I enjoy having something done to me. But there’s only one person I really want to do things to me and that is Twentytwo. If I involve other people I want to maintain a level of control. Which means being active. It means taking responsibility for my own behaviour and making decisions. Saying no. Or saying yes.

I get the feeling that it will benefit me to go out and explore. I also hope it will add to my relationship with Twentytwo in some rather unique way.
That’s why I’m meeting the French Guy tomorrow. Bring on the cute French accent, big cock and a good dose of sadism. :)

It's a bit of fast food on the go before a pleasant dinner with Twentytwo on Monday. Yes, it is possible to have it all. ;)