What happened?

Why have I not written a blog for almost exactly three months? How much fast food have I eaten in the meantime? Am I still with twentytwo? What happened?

The answers to these questions are of varying complexity. For starters I simply didn’t feel like blogging. There wasn’t actually that much going on that I found blog-worthy and what was happening I couldn’t put in words. Usually I blog when I’ve come to terms with something that has happened. When I’ve made my mind up and can let go of whatever I’ve been thinking about. The last months were very much a continuum. Work in progress.

Fast food has been crossed off my list of priorities. I just wasn’t as interested as I thought I was. Nobody really managed to intrigue me. I didn’t see a challenge that was worth my while. Instead I felt like embracing the familiarity of my relationship, taking a step back and enjoying what I’ve got. My mind was occupied with everything but fast food. And it still is. I’m starting to open up a bit more again, but I’ve enough time to wait for something that feels right. Something or rather someone who I really want.

All I want at the moment is twentywo. That says it all really, we’re still together. We have been for over a year now. We’ve had our usual ups and downs. Rather recently there was a pretty major down, but I feel like it has cleared the air. Taken away unnecessary expectations and shifted the focus from the future to the present.

The future will certainly be challenge – but then this relationship has always been exactly that. And I like challenges. I like it complicated. Yes, I'm a bit messed up.

I’m going to go to Rome next year. I will be gone for six months and I will miss twentytwo like nothing else. But it is something I’ve always planned on doing and an opportunity I wouldn’t want to miss. I know a good relationship can cope with temporary separation, I know it takes effort from both partners, but it is possible. I’m thankful for twentyone being supportive of my plans, even though he thinks I’m a travel-freak and should probably get my itchy feet checked by a doctor. But that’s me. I love seeing the world while it’s still an easy thing to do. While I get scholarships and only have to take small risks.

I’m more and more getting to the point where I think and worry less about the future. I still do it, but it’s so unpredictable, it’s pretty useless to make too many plans. I still like to make some because I fear missing opportunities (and I'm German after all), but I try to live in the present a bit more.

And talking about the present, I think twentyone ordered me a collar.